Beautiful

There are so many beautiful things in life. I had coffee with a friend last night who only mirrored my joy and helped me to see it more clearly, and now I feel like I ought to begin listing them.

The recent sunshine.
Black and white photographs.
Flowers.
Pearls.
The bright, shiny penny I found this morning.
The fact that Spring Break is less than two weeks away...and that I get to spend most of it with my BFFEAEAIC. =]
Traveling to places, which I will be doing soon!
Cooking, especially on Monday nights for some awesome people from UT.
Sunday: late church mornings, naps, and evening potluck and church.
Quilts.
Singing.
Organizing and bleaching things. Really.
Getting pedicures.
Dancing.
My amazing list of the best Austin restaurants: Juan in a Million, Chuy's, Catfish Parlor, Smokey Mo's...
Living at home this summer.
SUMMERTIME!
Listening to Ted play guitar.
Trying new kinds of tea.
Sleeping in.
Sand volleyball.
Stretching (considering yoga).
The focus that comes from the Lenten season and the approach of Easter with all its happiness.
The comfort I find in trusting that God will use me wherever I am...and the comfort that I believe that somewhere is still at Concordia, even though most days I don't understand why.
Growing up...and taking mature steps to indeed, truly grow up.
I'm almost NOT a teenager anymore. Thank You, Jesus.
My parents, who have raised me well and who are very wise.
My sister, who has an intimidating beauty and can always make me laugh.
My friends, who show me more love than I deserve.
My boyfriend, who constantly amazes me with his servant heart, prayerful habits, kindness, sense of humor, and loving nature. That boy understands me more than any other one ever has...even when I don't understand myself. I don't get it.
Freedom. Sweet, sweet, blessed freedom from Jesus Christ, who calls me to obedience and in turn, frees me.

If you're the praying type...

Please pray for me around 11:30 or so tomorrow.
I have an interview to re-receive a huge scholarship for the next two years, and I'm prepared not to get it again.
Ahhh anxiety...and I have a test tomorrow, too. ANGST!

Assertive

Someone told me today that they were afraid that I was angry at them because I walked by without acknowledging them. They had even said hello, apparently. I explained that no, I wasn't angry, but that I was having a stressful day and did not even remember seeing them this afternoon.
Chambers once told me that if I had an Indian name, it would be "Walks With A Purpose." Chambers is a very insightful man and I agree with him.
Although some days...I wish I wasn't that way.
Some days I wish I could be as carefree and extroverted as some of my favorite people. Some days I wish I wasn't so serious and wrapped up in my thoughts that I would wake up and look around me and just go have fun. Some days I wish I was the popular, pretty girl who everyone admired.
Some days I just wish I was someone else.

Obedience

I did not realize until today how unforgiving I truly am.
I say all the time that Christianity just goes back to love (God is love, after all), but in reality, I do not love as I ought to. I like to love the people who don't hurt me or others. I like to love selfishly, where people see me and commend me in their minds and with their words. I gossip about people constantly, and when people piss me off or make it difficult to love them in general, I check out and list off reasons to myself why it isn't worth it to make an effort to understand them. Everyone falls into this category...roommates, old friends, best friends, sisters, cousins, parents, anyone. If you make me mad or hurt me...I have very little patience or forgiveness for you.
I hate the evil I do, and yet I do it anyway. What a wretched woman I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to Christ Jesus my Lord, who daily rescues me from my own helplessness, and who daily reminds me that there is no winning and losing in lists of wrongs kept against those who hurt me. Only peace and the lack thereof.
From obedience comes freedom: what a beautiful paradox.
What a beautiful God.

P.S. On a happier note, I am in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met in my entire life. Hands down. He is incredible. I don't understand why God gave him to me, the most unforgiving of people. I will never understand how he loves me and others so purely.
There is a quote in Sex God, a book by Rob Bell, that states that "If a woman is loved well, she opens like a flower."
I am constantly blooming.